I want to be clear: I never knew Kurt Cobain while he lived, nor was I drawn to his music then, so why this happened to me is a mystery that I am attempting to unravel.
On Wednesday morning, 1994, I had a dream. In the dream, I was just there, and then I saw Kurt Cobain come towards me out of complete darkness. He didn’t say anything, but he had a serious expression. I couldn’t say he was sad, just serious. In the dream I knew him, not like oh hey, it’s Cobain, but I really knew him. We had sex, but it was not like sex in waking life. It was other worldly, metaphysical, paranormal. I don’t know what it was, but I remember it as having been sex, even though I don’t remember the actual process. (Many years later, while under hypnosis, I saw there had been colors too: pink, and some gold, but I still could not re-visit the actual part of the dream, where that took place.) Whatever happened, it was outside of the normal realm of experience, and there has yet to be any experience in my life that could match its singular peculiarity. After we had “sex” the scene turned back to when he had approached me, but this time, he retreated, backwards, into the blackness. During the same hypnosis session, many years later, I remembered asking him, “Where are you going?” He never said anything, and he still had the serious expression on his face. He just disappeared.
I woke up, sat up, and said out loud, “What the hell was that?!” I looked around for a clock, but there wasn’t one. I had, however, the distinct impression it was about 5:30 in the morning.
There’s much I’m leaving out in terms of the emotional experience, but not much happened for about 14 years, other than, I would be thinking about it, and I would come across his name or something like that, but those experiences were few and far between. I also started seeing 11:11 on digital clocks, but those occurrences were few and far between. I hadn’t really been a big Nirvana fan, I liked them well enough, but I didn’t know that much about them or their music, beyond what was heartily, force fed to everyone, via the radio or MTV. In the 14 years following that incident, I never read a book about him, or even realized he had died days before his body was found. In retrospect, it seemed like I blocked knowing anything about Nirvana and Kurt Cobain. At the time, I assumed he and Courtney were madly in love, and he was just a depressed musician addicted to heroin. End of story.
Fourteen years later, in February of 2008, I decided to re-visit that dream. My daughter had gone away to college, and I found myself reading books again about the paranormal. I had put all of that sort of subject matter aside while I was raising my daughter, because she was sensitive, and nervous about all of that kind of stuff. I had read a couple of books, regarding the paranormal, beginning in the Fall of the previous year, but I decided to actually look into what I had experienced back in 1994, in February of 2008. It seemed like the moment I had made that choice, everything went straight up bananas: There began to be a lot of coincidences about Nirvana, or Kurt. I started seeing 11:11 much, much more. I had this nervous energy, or agitation that I couldn’t figure out. I felt like he was present, but I didn’t know why. I started waking up, between 3 and 5 AM, and then I started to wake up with songs playing in my head. During this time, I looked him up online, and that’s when I read that he may have been murdered. I began think maybe that’s why he was around, but it still didn’t make sense. Why would I be going through this? How could a bunch of weird experiences, with him as the subject, possibly help?
To be continued…
